I'm So Grateful

So... we organised our life,bought a house to live in together, told our excited families and set on the road to becoming parents.

The pregnancy wasn't planned, and just to add to the complicated situation, I had just started a new role within my job, one which I was very lucky to get. Everything was just so messy, I'll be honest... this pregnancy did not come with fantastic timing! Then when I was 9 weeks pregnant my feelings towards the pregnancy changed.

I had quite bad morning sickness, and the usual symptoms like sore boobs exhaustion etc.. I woke up at 9 weeks and all feelings of morning sickness had gone. I felt my boobs, they were not sore. I had woken up that day and I just didn't feel pregnant! 'Oh no'. I thought the worst. The peanut had gone, I presumed I'd lost the baby.

I'll never forget that feeling, sat on my bathroom floor in tears. I had gone from, not being over the moon about my circumstances to suddenly I wanted this baby so bad. I would do anything, anything to protect it. Just please, please god, don't take my baby away.

I had to wait over the weekend to have an emergency scan (BTW thank god for the NHS, we are so lucky to have that system in this country). Monday came, and we went to the hospital for an early scan. I lay on the bed while the sonographer tried to find the peanut. It felt like a lifetime, she was moving that thing about, searching, searching, searching... and then eventually she calmly said, "Here it is, look you can see the heartbeat". I looked at the screen, and there it was, a tiny pin head, flashing in hope. Our baby had a heartbeat and was A-OK!

Ah I was and am so grateful. Never again would I have a negative thought about this wonderful life that we had created. And I promise, promise, promise to always do my best by our little baby...Our journey for a better life together had begun....