I'm a Celebrity (no I'm not)

So, I tweeted a picture yesterday of Abby Clancy...
The picture was in The Sun newspaper and can be seen here.  There is no denying that Ms Clancy looks amazing, and it must be incredible to own a body like that, but...  Abby had her baby on the same day as me, and, this may surprise you, but I do not look like that! Nails, hair, stomach, that girl is groomed to perfection.
She is holidaying in Dubai after opening the Embassy club.

I can't say any more, because I really don't want this post to be judgemental. (even tho by the very nature of writing it, I am being). I was just open mouthed surprised when I saw that pic. Partly because of how she looks (but she is a model), partly because she is holidaying in Dubai (and I don't know if baba as back at the hotel - maybe), partly because she was opening a new super club (we're all entitled to a night out right?), but mostly because she would want to be photographed / portrayed that way.

I can't imagine the pressure celebrities are under to get back on form, and work after having a baba. But we are all under pressure to get back to work, even more so us 'normals' who are not married to multi-millionares.

I love celebrity Mum's who have become mothers. Danny Minogue, Salma Hayek, Gwen Stafani, Posh spice, Jolie.

These Mum's are under an awful lot of pressure, to look a certain way, act a certain way and take every job that comes to them, but being a Mother remains a priority. Cheryl Cole famously said of Danny Minogue - who gave birth part way through filming the X-Factor "She's breastfeeding one minute, and out on stage the next". Brilliant!

I don't know, but if I had the support networks and money that these women have, I would use it to my advantage to take my child where ever I went and make sure if I was having a beach holiday, my little frog would be with me paddling in the sea and trying to eat sand.

These woman have it tough in a different way to us, their image is their pay packet. But surely at some point, on some level, a decision is made about what image they want to portray and how they are going to achieve it. Maybe its easier when you have the simple life like me. I don't have invites to Dubai or money for glamourous hair extensions. But I know how guilty I feel, when I leave the frog for just an hour, especially when I'm doing something for me.

I really didn't want to sound overly judgemental, I just hope all mothers who are being pulled and stretched back into their former lives are not doing so at the cost of their baby, their bond and themselves.

Th end is in sight... 'sad face' :(

I had a little cry tonight.. here is the reason why.

The end of our breastfeeding journey is in sight, and I feel very very sad.  I go back to work in 6 weeks, and we have looked at every option, and there is no way we are going to be able to continue exclusive breastfeeding once I go back. So we have started to combination feed to get the little frog used to the formula before she 'has' to have it. Already I can feel my body changing as its requirement to feed has dropped. I hate it, I hate the fact we are being forced into stopping, I hate that Frog doesn't cope well with formula (constipation), I hate that I am so good at feeding her. hate hate hate.

I have been putting the lottery on every week in the hope that something will change and I won't have to return to work, but we haven't won, so back I go. Sometimes I really resent work, as if it is my employers fault. It isn't, we did look into pumping at work, but I don't work regular hours and wouldn't have the opportunity every day, depending on what I was doing, so it isn't a realistic option. It's not work's fault, I have a good well paid job, I never thought that this would be an issue for me.

I am hoping to keep the morning feed if nothing else, hopefully the evening feed too, but that can't be guaranteed every night.  But the morning feed, I will fight tooth and nail to keep, if my body will let me.

A few people have said "can you not just....." "what about if you...." "have you thought about..." It doesn't help. We have thought of everything and this is it. Those comments - which Im sure people make with the best of intentions - do not help, they just make me feel worse than I already do. So so sad.

So apart from all the health benefits, the frog's constipation problems, not meeting the WHO guidelines of two years, the pain in the backside of sterilising etc... do you know what I'm really gutted about??
I will really really miss it. Me. Mummy. I will miss it. I'll miss the frogs eyes gazing up at me, I'll miss our secret time. I'll miss the fact that only I can feed her, and can't be apart from her. I'll miss the pride I have when I feed in public, I'll miss my milky smiles. Gosh I'm filling up again.....

Anyway, I've got six weeks, before the dreaded return, so I'm going to savor every moment and treasure every feed.

I love you little frog xx

Story of my life.

So here we are trying to get through Chapter 21 and it is already tough. Looking after the Frog while trying to study is hard going (as I'm sure any new mum who decides to embark on a new challenge will tell you). I've not returned to work yet, and the next few months / years are going to be really hard work. I know that, it will be a struggle to manage everything but I'm not going to be naive, I'm going to have a fight on my hands, but I can not lose sight of the goal. I can not let it fall through my fingers. I need to keep the momentum up and my dreams alive.

Here is a true story......

When I was about 19/20years old I was studying for a HND in Sport Science.  I wanted to be a Sports Development Officer at Manchester City Council. It was really hard to get into that type of work, and the only way really was to be a professional sports person (which I was not) or, to have a good level of voluntary work under your belt. It was a way-in, so I applied to the Sports Disability Trust through Josie Cichockyi (an athlete that I was lucky enough to know back then).

Early into the Summer I was bumming about at my parents house watching Richard and Judy, there was a competition on, so I called the 0898 number (sorry Mum & Dad) and left my answer. It was one of those phone in's where the caller answers a bunch of questions and wins a thousand pounds for each correct answer. So I left my name and number after the beep, and returned to dunking biscuits in my tea.

To my utter surprise, a lady from ITV called me back. I had got down to the final three callers, I was to leave my phone line open for the next 20 minutes, and if I was successful, someone would call me back. I couldn't believe it, eeeeeeeeekkkk  I was going to be on Richard and Judy!!!!  After 10 minutes, the phone rang...

It was Josie. There was a summer camp being run through the City Council, for kids with disabilities. There was one spot left for some coaching work, I couldn't believe it. What could I do???? I couldn't tell her to get off the phone, this was a call I had been waiting for, I really needed this work. I turned down the TV and paid attention to what she was saying. As I took down details of the job, I watched Barbara* from Northern Ireland win £14,000 in the Richard and Judy Competition.

I worked all summer as a voluntary coach, and I had a blast. The children were amazing and it was so rewarding, I honestly loved it. I still made the odd call to day time TV, but I never again got a recall, and never again came so close to £14,000.

The story of my life. It was a good lesson. Nothing is going to be handed to me on a plate, I'm going to have to work bloody hard to get what I want, but I can have a great time doing it.

Keep the dream alive. #chapter 21.

The big Co-Sleeping debate

Wow it has been all over the press this week hasn't it. Dr Nils Bergman, a paediatrician at the University of Cape Town in South Africa, has this week issued a report which states that babies sleep and develop better if they sleep in their mothers beds. 


Without doubt, I agree with this.


We have had a bit of a nightmare, as far as sleep is concerned with the frog. We havn't really Co-Slept with the Frog, but on the odd occasion, it has all become too much at 5am, the boyf has gone to sleep downstairs, and Frog has jumped in with me. Pillows and duvet off, she watches me closely as I pretend to be asleep. She will close her eyes, and with no tears she will drift off into a calm, serene sleep. When she wakes, she will simply look at me (then grab at my face) and coo until I wake too. This ONLY EVER happens when she is in our bed. She still doesn't self soothe on her own and usually - not always - cries shortly after waking up. 


Before the Frog was born I was terrified of SIDS. I had witnessed it through my work and had read all the literature that is given to you. There was not a chance in hell that I would have willingly slept with the Frog at that stage, as far as I was concerned it was irresponsible hazardass parenting. Then she was born. Now, Frog is my first baby, and I don't know what other babies are generally like, but the frog was HARD WORK. She refused to be put down, she wanted to be warm and held. She liked to fall asleep on the breast and stay on the breast. She was and still is very clingy, day and night, awake and asleep, Frog likes to know that Mummy is near-by. 


For the first four months of her life, I think I fell asleep with her every night while breastfeeding. This was not safe Co-Sleeping. I would sit upright in bed and feed her in the cradle position, with pillows and duvets around us and the boyf snoring next to us. I would almost always fall asleep, because I was exhausted. More than once I woke to find a tiny little frog had fallen as my arm had given way, her little head unsupported. I was taking far more risk's than a safe co-sleeper. But I had never been given any literature or any advice on how to breastfeed / co-sleep in a safe environment, because the 'authorities' are scared to death of issuing it. 

I have spent the past two days reading as much about the subject as I can. I had read in numerous reports that China and Japan treat Co-Sleeping as the norm, yet the cot death rate there is extremely low, the maternal smoking rate in Japan is almost 0 and the breastfeeding rate 70-75%. This shows that here in the West we are certainly not getting it right. 


The problem with Co-Sleeping in this country is that it is not socially acceptable, under ANY circumstances. So people do it in secret or do it with too many risk factors (like I did all too often). Instead of giving us (mothers) the facts, the terrified authorities just say "DONT DO IT" 


For me, the whole culture surrounding the first year of a babies life needs re-assing - but that is for a different blog. 


For us, and our little family, I am still terrified of SIDS. The frog is slowly getting used to her big cot, we still have the occasional 5am game of musical beds. But if we are ever blessed with a second newborn, would I be more open minded to safe co-sleeping, and prepare for it in advance of the babies arrival. You bet I would. Then hopefully I could write another blog about getting it right xx


Advice on how to Co-Sleep safety can be found Here 
The latest safety advice from FSID can be found Here