The weight of parenthood.

After having her second admittance into hospital the Frog finally appears to be on the mend and smiling again. Im so glad my little princess seems to be getting better, but her becoming poorly has left me feeling awfully exposed. Don't get me wrong, the frog is not ill, we are very lucky. She is a healthy strong little girl, she has had a common infection, and had a bit of trouble with her tummy. Nothing in comparison to what so many parents go through, but it is enough for me to feel the weight of our responsibility.

The frog has become ill on two occasions. Both times I have been on my own with her. Despite the fact that neither has resulted in anything serious (Thank god!) I found both incidents very scary.  I dealt with the situation responsibly and did what any decent parent would do, she got the treatment she needed and everyone was happy. Until we got home.

After two days of being in the safety of the hospital, the frog and I spent Monday alone as the boyf returned to work. After I gave her breakfast I looked at the frog, sat in her high chair and was filled with a sense of dread, fear, horror. I didn't want to be alone with her. I didn't want that responsibility. She was fine, I was fine. But what if something went wrong again? What if she picked something up while I wasn't looking? What if she started to choke, had a seizure or fell?
I know I could deal with it, but I didn't want to. I didn't want the bear the weight of parenthood.

We were of course fine.  We were fine on Monday, and Tuesday and today. This evening, the frog slept after her last feed, I realised that this is the curse of parenthood. The ying that balances the yang. Because for all the wonderful feelings of joy my daughter brings, she also brings a duty I will never escape.           I have never felt joy like the overwhelming pleasure she gives me, but for every smile that she creates, it does not come for free, the price to be paid is the responsibility which I now own. It is mine to keep.

I promised to look after her, from the moment I saw that blue line, and look after her I will. I would never turn my back on that responsibility, but I will never underestimate its enormity either.

The purpose of this blog is not too moan about the weight of parenthood, it is to say only this......

I love you, my precious precious little frog. xx