Human or Dancer

Do we build our own path or do we leave it to the hands of fate?

During our pregnancy with the frog I did massive amounts of research about birth, and birth choices. I was enthusiastic about Hypnobirth and used the technique during birthing. We had a lovely birth and were very pleased with the whole experience. It changed my perspective on birth, and in the weeks that followed I realised that, not only had I become a mother, I had opened the door to something else. A passion. A passion about birth, and becoming a mother.

The frog had unlocked something inside me, and I knew I couldn't let it end there. My research didn't stop, I spoke to Hypnobirth practitioners, read endless amounts of material and joined on-line debates and forums about birth and pre / post natal issues. I could read read read, and never get bored. Eventually I spoke to the boyf about my passion, and we agreed, this was not something I could let go to waste. This is something that I have to make part of our future. I am passionate that other people can have a positive birth and that there is so much that can be done to change the attitudes towards birth in this country. So work towards it we will.

But then real life gets in the way. I can not afford to give up work, We have responsibilities, two houses, two cars, a child, debt. I cannot be selfish and follow my dreams to the detriment of my family. Real life has jumped up and slapped me in the face.

So just when I sink back into my realistic but glum chair, fate plays a helping hand. Liverpool PCT are recruiting volunteer Doulas, to help people in the community. The courses are provided and payed for by the PCT. Unbelievable.

Honestly the same week that I start to doubt if my passion will ever become a reality, I receive the application form. Here is a way I can volunteer part time, and work part time. Embrace my passion, following my path, while not shunning the responsibilities of an adult.

So I ask you, are we Human, or are we Dancer?

Am I a feminist?

Having just finished Caitlin Moran’s, ‘How to be a Woman’ (which incidentally is one of the best books I have even read) I find myself asking the question, Am I a feminist?

Well of course I bloody am!! I have spent my whole life being a tom-boy. From making a ‘Den’ in Reddish Vale to driving high powered motor vehicles and drinking like the best of them, I have spent my whole life with a ‘anything they can do!’ attitude. 

Here I am, working in a male environment along side ‘old timers’ with a ‘life on mars’ attitude to the working woman. I have worked bloody hard to get where I am, nothing has phased me,  I’ve taken it on the chin and am now respected as ‘one of the guys’. Hell yeah Im a feminist! Yet, at the tender age of 30, I am planning on giving it all up to be a Mummy. Whats more, I want to start my own business, helping women to do the one thing that will always keep them separate from men. The one thing that keeps the sexes apart, I want to help women birth. 

So am I still a feminist? I think I am. Birth has always been taken care of by the women folk, sisters, nurses, midwives, call them what you will. Since the dawning of time, birthing babies was women’s work. Until the 1940's when the men became involved. Suddenly laboring women were lay on their backs, in clinical environments while male Doctors rummaged around inside them using instruments of torture to remove their babes. Birth was transformed, in the 1940’s - 1950's birth was fixed. Except it wasn’t broken. 

Don't get me wrong, medical science is a marvelous thing, more babies lives are saved in the UK now than ever before, and this can only be a good thing. But thousands of women give birth every day, without the need of intervention. For these women, science can actually hinder the birthing process, leading to a painful, and fearful labour. Which can ironically lead to more intervention. It’s a vicious cycle of fear and equipment. 

So getting back to my point about feminism. Yes I plan to work towards removing myself from my current environment. But I want to do this, not to give in to the underlying sexism that still exists in the workplace (don’t even get me started on this one!) But to use my energy and will, to give women strength, power, a voice. But more than anything, to give women education and choice. 

In the1940's birth choice was taken away from women. Hospital births, bed births, births by intervention became the norm. Woman were left in fear and dread of labour, and the consequence was 2011 where intervention is an acceptable norm and cesarean rates are on the up.

So please don't think for a second that by following the trend of women who give up their career after the birth of a child, I am turning my back on my sisters. On the contrary, I have seen a massive injustice between the sexes, and I want to give the power of birth back to women. Yes I am a feminist. Yes I’m ready to fight. 

P.S. Never really liked my day-job anyway :)