The big Co-Sleeping debate

Wow it has been all over the press this week hasn't it. Dr Nils Bergman, a paediatrician at the University of Cape Town in South Africa, has this week issued a report which states that babies sleep and develop better if they sleep in their mothers beds. 


Without doubt, I agree with this.


We have had a bit of a nightmare, as far as sleep is concerned with the frog. We havn't really Co-Slept with the Frog, but on the odd occasion, it has all become too much at 5am, the boyf has gone to sleep downstairs, and Frog has jumped in with me. Pillows and duvet off, she watches me closely as I pretend to be asleep. She will close her eyes, and with no tears she will drift off into a calm, serene sleep. When she wakes, she will simply look at me (then grab at my face) and coo until I wake too. This ONLY EVER happens when she is in our bed. She still doesn't self soothe on her own and usually - not always - cries shortly after waking up. 


Before the Frog was born I was terrified of SIDS. I had witnessed it through my work and had read all the literature that is given to you. There was not a chance in hell that I would have willingly slept with the Frog at that stage, as far as I was concerned it was irresponsible hazardass parenting. Then she was born. Now, Frog is my first baby, and I don't know what other babies are generally like, but the frog was HARD WORK. She refused to be put down, she wanted to be warm and held. She liked to fall asleep on the breast and stay on the breast. She was and still is very clingy, day and night, awake and asleep, Frog likes to know that Mummy is near-by. 


For the first four months of her life, I think I fell asleep with her every night while breastfeeding. This was not safe Co-Sleeping. I would sit upright in bed and feed her in the cradle position, with pillows and duvets around us and the boyf snoring next to us. I would almost always fall asleep, because I was exhausted. More than once I woke to find a tiny little frog had fallen as my arm had given way, her little head unsupported. I was taking far more risk's than a safe co-sleeper. But I had never been given any literature or any advice on how to breastfeed / co-sleep in a safe environment, because the 'authorities' are scared to death of issuing it. 

I have spent the past two days reading as much about the subject as I can. I had read in numerous reports that China and Japan treat Co-Sleeping as the norm, yet the cot death rate there is extremely low, the maternal smoking rate in Japan is almost 0 and the breastfeeding rate 70-75%. This shows that here in the West we are certainly not getting it right. 


The problem with Co-Sleeping in this country is that it is not socially acceptable, under ANY circumstances. So people do it in secret or do it with too many risk factors (like I did all too often). Instead of giving us (mothers) the facts, the terrified authorities just say "DONT DO IT" 


For me, the whole culture surrounding the first year of a babies life needs re-assing - but that is for a different blog. 


For us, and our little family, I am still terrified of SIDS. The frog is slowly getting used to her big cot, we still have the occasional 5am game of musical beds. But if we are ever blessed with a second newborn, would I be more open minded to safe co-sleeping, and prepare for it in advance of the babies arrival. You bet I would. Then hopefully I could write another blog about getting it right xx


Advice on how to Co-Sleep safety can be found Here 
The latest safety advice from FSID can be found Here

Winging Weaning

Anyone, who talks to me for more than five minutes about babies, will soon hear me talk about breastfeeding and sleepless nights. Do they go hand in hand? I don't know, but one thing I do know is that I have one hungry girl.

She was born 7llb 5oz. In the first 10 days she put on a further 8oz. By the time she was 12 weeks old, she weighed over 12llb. All this was thanks to Mummy milk (yeay me). I'm not just telling you this because I want to big myself up, Im trying to paint the picture of the way my frog feeds.... Constantly! Up until I started the whole food thing, she would feed every two hours, day and night. Occasionally, she would go to three hours, but only after a bottle of formula (yes, I occasionally give her a bottle of the white stuff).

A few of my friends from the NCT had started weaning, but I just felt the frog was too small, too baby like. And I really wanted to hold out for baby led weaning. Then two weeks ago, everything changed. She had changed to hourly feeds through the night, and would cry through the day like she was a newborn again. After another sleepless Saturday night, I woke on a Sunday and decided. Today is the day, she is having baby rice.

A quick trip to the shops and we had it all, baby rice, puree pots, bowls, spoons, even special face wipes (I don't know why babywipes wouldn't do!) By now baby led weaning had gone out of the window. That day, that Sunday, I just knew she was ready, she needed something else. So we started...

Mouthful one never really happened. Mouthful two however, was more interesting, for me and her. As she tried to lap the slodge off the spoon, her body froze. Her expression priceless. If she could speak, she would have said "Oh my goodness.... This is amazing Mummy.. tell your friends... tell everyone.. baby rice is here!" Success.

A week after baby rice, I was stood in the kitchen puree-ing my ass off.  So far we have tried, Apple, Butternut Squash, Parsnip, Carrot and Banana ... she loves it. And more to the point Im getting some sleep!!!!! We are still waking once or twice, but hey I can handle that!

We didn't do BLW, I didn't speak to the heath visitor (naughty) we haven't even followed a book. To be honest, Im not really sure what Im doing, but it is making the frog so much more content and she has done some hilarious poo's. I love getting my apron on and making my little freezer pots, so ...so far so good....

I wanted to do BLW because I thought it would be more natural, but as it turns out, Im just following my instincts... What could be more natural than that??

The 3am Secret

The 3am secret.

As the world sleeps and the streets are dark,

we share a secret that is only ours.

It starts with a stir in a crib nearby,

I move quickly before the stir turns to a cry.

I hold her close, my skin is still warm,

Her body relaxes and she turns towards.

Her mouth opens wide and I pull her onto my breast

two hearts together, chest to chest.

As she suckles and feeds, her eyes meet mine,

Trust, security, a secret moment in time.

Forget the yawns, the sticky eyes, no sleep.

This moment, this secret is mine to keep. 

Breastfeeding - The Good, The Bad and The Smugly.

I should start this post by stressing the fact that I am NOT a good example of a breastfeeding mummy. I wish I was because I love breastfeeding and I wish I could be a good example to others, but I have failed in many respects.

I could write pages and pages about breastfeeding but I'm going to try and keep it to one post and fairly brief (ish).

I recently read somewhere that the reason that most people fail at breastfeeding is because they have false expectations of what is required of them. I am certain that this is the reason I fail, I was in such a rush to get my life back, to have our evenings back and to be fabulous with my baby..... I regret this now :-(

When she was first born. I put her straight to the breast and she fed. For the first week, I felt the pulling sensation as she latched, but no cracked nipples, no real pain. We were naturals. I was so proud. So smug, earth mother me, I loved it. I was giving her everything she needed and she was gaining weight rapidly. There is nothing that can compare with the nurturing feeling of satisfying your newborn baby.

But it is hard, it is exhausting and relentless. No one can help you with it, just taking a shower has to be organised around feeds... the baby can literarily never leave your side.

I rarely admit this, but in truth, the frog now has one bottle of formula a day. It was first introduced when she was 6 weeks old, She was hungry all the time. especially in the evening and would be at the breast constantly between 7-10pm. I was so sick of hearing about other babies going to bed at 7pm... sleeping through the night, 4 hour feeds etc etc.. Little did I know, the frog was behaving perfectly normally for a breastfed babe.

After about a week, the guilt got the better of me so I stopped the formula. My body didn't know what the hell was going on, and neither did the frog. I was really struggling to satisfy her, then, the best and the worst thing happened for our breastfeeding journey. At 9 weeks - we went to Cyprus.

Throughout the day Frog was breastfed, it was so easy, by the pool, on a walk, by the sea, just whack out my boob and job done. But I was on holiday, boyf and I wanted to enjoy evening meals, and in all honestly I wanted to enjoy a glass of wine. So again, the one bottle of Formula crept in. On our return home, the guilt hit me again. I didn't want to pump our baby full of chemicals, I should be able to provide everything she needed. I did a further two weeks of exclusive breastfeeding, but it was making me miserable.

If I breastfed, the boyf and I had no time together, I felt guilty that our evenings were always cramped by me lying on the couch, unable to move because she was latched on. If I gave formula I felt guilty I wasn't the mummy I wanted to be and the frog was missing out.

It makes me feel incredibly selfish to say that at 12 weeks I gave in. It coincided with us creating the 'evening routine' which now works for us and the frog seems happier for it. (the routine - not the formula)

In my head the frog is a breastfed baby. She still only has one bottle a day, and I am happy to keep it that way for as long as we need. It's not perfect but neither am I, I am human, we are living in this modern, competitive world and I am doing my best.

If I had my time again, I would never of introduced the bottle at 6 weeks. I would have been stronger and sought help from the right people instead of listening to the advice of the 'bottle bunch'. It has made me passionate about breastfeeding. There is nothing in this world like the feeling of feeding my girl, I love it. I would really really rant about how wonderful it is, and help anyone to keep going. We are at a point now where I find it so enjoyable, I know we wont be able to share this time for ever so I savour  the special moments we have. I so wanted to exclusively breastfeed, I wanted to get to six months and say with pride that no formula had passed her lips. I wont be able to do that now, and this makes me sad and regretful.

Breastfeeding is so wonderful, the first time she fed with her eyes open I almost cried. Recently the frog has started to pull off, look up at me and smile. Its amazing, its beautiful and I know I am so so lucky, if I didn't breastfeed, I wouldn't have had these moments. I love love love it.

Last week in the press there was a debate about the 'breastapo'. Well my opinion (and it is just my opinion) is that HV's are so afraid of upsetting new mums maybe they don't give enough facts about giving up. Prior to us giving the frog that first bottle at 6 weeks, we discussed it with our HV. Although she was encouraging me to continue, she basically said "do whatever makes you happy".  At that point in time this was like a green light to me to say "Do it" "Do it" "Do it".
Maybe if I had been met by the breastapo at that point the Frog would still be exclusively Breastfed. ?

I can't blame anyone else tho, I just wish I knew then what I know now.

Im now being met my the "Is she sleeping through yet?" bunch. Already I have been told "Oh Get her on the bottle." and "Have you tried her on hungry baby milk?" My response?
NO NO and NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! At last I am being strong and doing what I believe is best. Maybe its too late in some respects, but my frog is happy and healthy, and so is her mum.

So next time I'm asked if she is sleeping through, if she goes 4hours between feeds, or if she is a hungry baby I will smile and smugly say "No, but she is breastfed." ;-)