The big Co-Sleeping debate

Wow it has been all over the press this week hasn't it. Dr Nils Bergman, a paediatrician at the University of Cape Town in South Africa, has this week issued a report which states that babies sleep and develop better if they sleep in their mothers beds. 


Without doubt, I agree with this.


We have had a bit of a nightmare, as far as sleep is concerned with the frog. We havn't really Co-Slept with the Frog, but on the odd occasion, it has all become too much at 5am, the boyf has gone to sleep downstairs, and Frog has jumped in with me. Pillows and duvet off, she watches me closely as I pretend to be asleep. She will close her eyes, and with no tears she will drift off into a calm, serene sleep. When she wakes, she will simply look at me (then grab at my face) and coo until I wake too. This ONLY EVER happens when she is in our bed. She still doesn't self soothe on her own and usually - not always - cries shortly after waking up. 


Before the Frog was born I was terrified of SIDS. I had witnessed it through my work and had read all the literature that is given to you. There was not a chance in hell that I would have willingly slept with the Frog at that stage, as far as I was concerned it was irresponsible hazardass parenting. Then she was born. Now, Frog is my first baby, and I don't know what other babies are generally like, but the frog was HARD WORK. She refused to be put down, she wanted to be warm and held. She liked to fall asleep on the breast and stay on the breast. She was and still is very clingy, day and night, awake and asleep, Frog likes to know that Mummy is near-by. 


For the first four months of her life, I think I fell asleep with her every night while breastfeeding. This was not safe Co-Sleeping. I would sit upright in bed and feed her in the cradle position, with pillows and duvets around us and the boyf snoring next to us. I would almost always fall asleep, because I was exhausted. More than once I woke to find a tiny little frog had fallen as my arm had given way, her little head unsupported. I was taking far more risk's than a safe co-sleeper. But I had never been given any literature or any advice on how to breastfeed / co-sleep in a safe environment, because the 'authorities' are scared to death of issuing it. 

I have spent the past two days reading as much about the subject as I can. I had read in numerous reports that China and Japan treat Co-Sleeping as the norm, yet the cot death rate there is extremely low, the maternal smoking rate in Japan is almost 0 and the breastfeeding rate 70-75%. This shows that here in the West we are certainly not getting it right. 


The problem with Co-Sleeping in this country is that it is not socially acceptable, under ANY circumstances. So people do it in secret or do it with too many risk factors (like I did all too often). Instead of giving us (mothers) the facts, the terrified authorities just say "DONT DO IT" 


For me, the whole culture surrounding the first year of a babies life needs re-assing - but that is for a different blog. 


For us, and our little family, I am still terrified of SIDS. The frog is slowly getting used to her big cot, we still have the occasional 5am game of musical beds. But if we are ever blessed with a second newborn, would I be more open minded to safe co-sleeping, and prepare for it in advance of the babies arrival. You bet I would. Then hopefully I could write another blog about getting it right xx


Advice on how to Co-Sleep safety can be found Here 
The latest safety advice from FSID can be found Here