Th end is in sight... 'sad face' :(

I had a little cry tonight.. here is the reason why.

The end of our breastfeeding journey is in sight, and I feel very very sad.  I go back to work in 6 weeks, and we have looked at every option, and there is no way we are going to be able to continue exclusive breastfeeding once I go back. So we have started to combination feed to get the little frog used to the formula before she 'has' to have it. Already I can feel my body changing as its requirement to feed has dropped. I hate it, I hate the fact we are being forced into stopping, I hate that Frog doesn't cope well with formula (constipation), I hate that I am so good at feeding her. hate hate hate.

I have been putting the lottery on every week in the hope that something will change and I won't have to return to work, but we haven't won, so back I go. Sometimes I really resent work, as if it is my employers fault. It isn't, we did look into pumping at work, but I don't work regular hours and wouldn't have the opportunity every day, depending on what I was doing, so it isn't a realistic option. It's not work's fault, I have a good well paid job, I never thought that this would be an issue for me.

I am hoping to keep the morning feed if nothing else, hopefully the evening feed too, but that can't be guaranteed every night.  But the morning feed, I will fight tooth and nail to keep, if my body will let me.

A few people have said "can you not just....." "what about if you...." "have you thought about..." It doesn't help. We have thought of everything and this is it. Those comments - which Im sure people make with the best of intentions - do not help, they just make me feel worse than I already do. So so sad.

So apart from all the health benefits, the frog's constipation problems, not meeting the WHO guidelines of two years, the pain in the backside of sterilising etc... do you know what I'm really gutted about??
I will really really miss it. Me. Mummy. I will miss it. I'll miss the frogs eyes gazing up at me, I'll miss our secret time. I'll miss the fact that only I can feed her, and can't be apart from her. I'll miss the pride I have when I feed in public, I'll miss my milky smiles. Gosh I'm filling up again.....

Anyway, I've got six weeks, before the dreaded return, so I'm going to savor every moment and treasure every feed.

I love you little frog xx